Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says ‘If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.’
2. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,’send me a brother’….
Santa wrote back, ‘SEND ME YOUR MOTHER’….
3. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, ‘Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means ‘Without Information Fighting Everytime’!’
Wife replies, ‘No, it means ‘With Idiot For Ever’!!!’
4. Importance of a period
Teacher: ‘Do you know the importance of a period?’
Kid: ‘Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.’
5. Confident vs. Confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, ‘What is the difference between confident and
confidential?’ Dad says, ‘You are my son, I’m confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential! ‘
6. Anger management?
Husband: ‘When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?’
Wife: ‘I clean the toilet.’
Husband: ‘How does that help?’
Wife: ‘I use your toothbrush .’
An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican Village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the
small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while, Senor."
The American then asked, "Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, Senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with
the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution.
You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise." The Mexican fisherman asked, "But Senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years." "But what then, Senor?"
The American laughed and said, "That’s the best part. When the time is Right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public
and become very rich, you would make millions." "Millions, Senor? Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal Fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids,take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos." "You mean being a Harvard MBA, you have to go thru all that to finallyget to where I already am, Senor?"
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.
So she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said ‘OK take off all your crose.’
The woman did as she was told.
‘Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.’
Again the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said ‘OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.’
So she did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said ‘Your probrem vewy bad. You haf
Ed Zachary disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or
Worried the woman asked anxiously ‘Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease ?’
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied ‘Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass.’
ok not the best of looks here but hey, its a big one so got to eat it like a apple ! ENJOY VIAGRA !