Noah and his Ark 20th Century style
I have to say this would only be more enjoyable by the Malaysian as they understand the predicament .. ENjoy !!
NOAH AND THE ARK In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Malaysia , and said: “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
“Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.” He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the un-ending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but with no Ark.
“Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord”, begged Noah, “but things have changed.
“First I need to have a BUMIPUTRA PARTNER who is linked to UMNO. Then I need a building permit from DBKL and I also have to pay under-counter money to get the permit. Then I’ve been arguing with the BOMBA inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
“My neighbours complained to The Utusan Melayu about the height of the Ark I was going to build and the next day it was in the media headlines claiming that I’ve violated the neighbourhood building by-laws – that my Ark exceeds the height limitations.
“I appealed to the magistrate and it was finally approved.” “The Opposition took advantage of the situation and said I was a government crony and did nasty things with my face on the Internet. I don’t know how they super-imposed my face on a naked body of a MP and put it on YOUTUBE. Oh Lord, only you who are all-knowing, know that I had nothing to do with these MPs.
“Then there was another stop-work order even before I could start work. The Badan Cegah Rasuah arrested me for pornography. I talked to a lawyer who looks like Ambitah Bachan, talks like him, acts like him but is not him. He said he knows the Chief Justice and the Prime Minister, the Apa Nama and can clear my name but I have to buy them air tickets to Australia.
“After clearing my name … I had to go to the DBKL Appeal Board again for a decision to allow me to build the Ark. “The government, after approving the plans, said I must use only SIRIM-approved goods and must only buy from their list of CLASS F contractors which are 15 times more expensive than the Normal hardware shops.
“Then the TNB and JPJ demanded a bond be posted for future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they laughed and would hear nothing of it.
“Getting the wood was another problem. SUKHAM and the JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA said there’s a ban on cutting local trees to save the orang utan. I tried to convince SUKHAM and JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA that I needed the wood to save the orang utan – but they said no go. “When I started gathering the animals, JAKIM and an Animal Rights Group sued me.
“JAKIM said I cannot put the chickens and the pigs next to each other as it WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED HALAL and the Animal Rights Group insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued that the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
“Then JABATAN KERJA RAKYAT AND JABATAN KAJIAN dan GALIAN ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they had conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. “I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many bumiputra contractors I’m supposed to hire for my building crew. “JABATAN IMMIGRASI and RELA are checking the status of most of the people who want to work.
“The trade unions say I can not use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience. “As I started to clear the area to build the ark, 6 gangsters came and demanded protection money. They said they control the area for selling drugs and prostitution to my workers. “When I complained to the POLIS… the IGP of POLIS sent an ASP who came in full uniform the next day. Unfortunately, he also happened to be one from the six gangsters who demanded protection money. They doubled my protection fee.
“Then there was a by-election and I was forced to be an UMNO member in order to get my permits approved and I was made to pay a donation by the Barisan candidate in the so called spirit of MUHIBBAH. Otherwise, he will make my life difficult.”Every department I turned to is asking for what they call, ‘Kopi Wang’. “I calculated that if I had to pay all the ‘Kopi wang’ and give the donation, the cost of building the ARK will be 20 times higher. I refused to give them the Kopi Wang as I am faithful to you, Oh Lord.
“Then some top level politicians were very disappointed with me for not giving donations and called me a murtad but I told them my name is Noah not murtad. They got very angry and said they have connections. “Suddenly, I am a suspect behind the murder of the Mongolian lady because the place where she was murdered happens to be on the land where I am going to build the Ark. So I was arrested. “To make matters worse, the Jabatan HASIL seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. I have just been released from ISA. “So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.”
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“No,” said the Lord. “The Current Government is already doing it for me!”